I’m over a week out from tragic news, from heartbreak. Yes, this is real life, not fiction I’m talking about. There are glimmers of normal around my edges now, so I thought I’d share a brief message rather than nothing at all.
Last week, moments after editing my NaNo blog post, I received horrific news. It wasn’t until late that night, after midnight, that I thought to upload the post after removing the few lines pertaining to me participating in my 9th NaNoWriMo.
There’s not to be a NaNo for me this year.
It was the cruelest of losses, but I’m not quite ready to type the actual words and explain. One day. Maybe.
Grief. Mourning. That’s where I am at this moment, slowly clawing my way back. Thus, this brief post.
As such life changing events tend to do, I find myself reeling from the loss while simultaneously reevaluating so much more. So much time to contemplate loss leads to contemplating life. Other issues long residing in the back of my mind have surfaced on my long walks, in my long moments sitting and staring at nothing.
At my age, it seems strange to discover I’ve not really known the true depths of grief before. I have now. I’m also going through this alone. That’s another of those issues.
From a writing perspective — and I remain very much a writer — tragedy, it seems, has a way of forcing your life into stark contrast. It can mean the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.
Loss? Yes. I’ve also gained someone to carry forever in my heavier heart as I move forward, someone who’ll be with me no matter what.
And that, everyone, is where I end this or the emotions will boil over again. I thank you all for listening.