Waves descending, crashing as darkness on her mind, as despair, an unwanted episode she wouldn't tolerate, not again, not ever again, not if she could help it, and oh how she could help it. Waves approaching, promising stillness, whispering peace, it was the ease of breathing meditation gifted her, a gentle inhale, a power she held, her body settling, in the wave's wake the tension draining. ©March 2022 Christina Anne Hawthorne
Christina Anne Hawthorne
Christina Anne Hawthorne
Alive and well in the Rocky Mountains. I'm a fantasy writer who also dabbles in poetry, short stories, and map making. My Ontyre tales are an alternative fantasy experience, the stories rich in mystery, adventure, and romance. Alternative fantasy? Not quite steampunk. Not quite gothic. In truth, the real magic is in those who discover what's within.
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A well earned lesson in control?
It is, but it’s also recognizing what is too often overlooked and not stressed enough. That’s knowing what is needed in a moment of self-crisis. For those who’ve suffered trauma in the past, a clear head at that critical moment can be difficult to find.
I know this was true for me. Rather than turn to self-help—meditation being a cornerstone—I’d be carried away on a wave of depression. Depression wants me to dwell in the past or worry about the future. Meditation wants me to think about now. In the now there’s only the meditation. That, in turn, provides the opportunity to regain my footing. 😀
Depression is a terrible thing, Christina… it always seems to feel like the default setting for everything…
I can only speak to my own experience, but knowing when my issues began and why, and after decades of battling it, I’ve come to view it as a protective mechanism that goes wrong. It’s the friend you should never, ever trust, but you do (typically because there’s no one else).
I so often return to the same analogy, that in a troubling sort of way, it’s like a comforting friend. The problem is, it’s a friend that wants me to close the curtains, lock the doors, and turn off my phone. It’s a friend that tells me I don’t need anyone else. From there, it’s a downward spiral.
THAT isn’t the time for me to deal with my depression, I discovered in 2020, but, instead, at the first glimmer of its existence. That’s why I have aids scattered about to remind me what to do because I don’t think clearly if I go too far down that road. It’s made a huge difference.